How slow can I live ?
- Jennifer Schuler
- Jul 8
- 9 min read
I'm sitting on the ground, under a tree, in the shade on a picnic blanket that has been used so many times there are holes and tears where the velcro strap attachments are, my trusty Birkenstock sandals tossed to the side the second I sat down so that my summer feet can get their fill of fresh air (countless months of socks and boots remind me this is the season to let my skin breathe), my youngest beside me half leaning/laying on me with his sketchbook working tirelessly at a design for a new futuristic car (with a light bar, of course), my own sketchbook and favorite DIY brush pen and a lunch box near us with snacks and drinks to help with the ever-pressing question "I'm hungry, can I have a snack?"... I look up and just take it all in. The sky is the most majestic color of blue, color Lake Superior I would say if I had to pick from Beam paint stones. The clouds are fluffy and gigantic, almost comical and cartoonish. The breeze is so inviting, since last I checked my phone the temperature is around 28°C. Not only does it help with the heat but my favorite thing to do on days like this is to simply watch the trees blow and sway. The leaves shimmer and sparkle as they dance together with each gust of the wind. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and focus my attention on the sounds of the wind and leaves rustling.
You see, I am currently NOT at a meditation retreat, an artist residency, or on holiday alone with my husband, nor have I woken up from a blissful 10-hour night with breakfast served to me via room service. I am currently at my older kid’s mountain biking lesson. Sitting, yes under a tree but only about 5 meters from the parking lot, where several families are packing and unpacking their gear to enjoy a few hours on the trails. There are dogs barking and someone was just hurt and a medic helped them safely to their car. There are "no parking" signs, garbage bins, and in the distance, I can hear a semi-truck on the highway.
So, amongst all this stuff and the fact that I am here for my kid’s activity, have I found joy? Have I found a moment of pure bliss and relaxation? Yes, I have, and this I would describe as living a slow life. For me, as a mother and artist, these tiny moments all add up to how I want to live my life and how I want my days to look like. I could have easily described the scene to you in another way where it would have not have sounded as idyllic. But this is not how I want to live in these moments. It takes juts a few minutes to stop, take a breath and sloooooooow down. I have taught myself to do this repeatedly now, any chance I can. My mind could easily be filled with thoughts about all the tasks I “have to do” when I get back home later, or I could grab my phone and doom scroll, I could worry about if I remembered to take my vitamins or is my kid learning enough math to be a famous engineer one day? But I have learned to teach my brain to stop and slow down right away – before my mind has a chance to race.
As I have written before, this is where my sketchbook also is an integral tool to slowing down - during these moments while out and about with my kids, my hand and mark are almost working on their own, images, ideas, symbols begin to flow, I try to capture scenes as a means to depict the current “vibe” of that moment in time.
Summer start
This start of the summer has been a very interesting experience of simultaneously rushing and slowing down. As I have a burst of energy, motivation and sheer willpower to put into motion a major personal project of mine (keeping it a secret for now as not to put any pressure on myself in terms of a time line), I am also forcing myself to slow down and pace my self. I have learned that the way my mind works I am ALWAYS excited about new ideas and new projects and I could use that spark to rush and hurry, stay up late every night, make rash decisions, work furiously and ultimately crash, burn and loose interest entirely…..this time around I am pacing myself and working through the project in micro pieces, switching up tasks to keep things interesting and working on what and when it feels right.
While you are reading this you might be wondering, this blog post is “so random, where is Jen going with all of these ideas? Why is she talking about this, now and today?"
The truth is I have been focusing on slowing down my life for the past year now and for this reason you haven’t heard from me here on this platform. Last summer we made a major decision for our family, to homeschool our two kids! This decision that was fleshed out extensively, researched, discussed with family and friends, became a major factor in how our life looked moving forward. When the school year began and all of my kid’s friends returned to the physical buildings of their elementary schools, my kids and I had the most fascinating experience together. We where able to for what felt like a very long time to plan our day the way WE WANTED TO. We could wake up when we wanted, have the most elaborate breakfast if we wanted to, we could lay on the couch and read books together all morning if we wanted, we could take a walk to the water and skip rocks and look for treasures, I could go for a run while they biked beside me if we wanted, we could have lunch outside on the trampoline if we wanted, we could paint whatever painting we wanted to, we could watch a documentary together if we wanted to, we could write about what we wanted we could listen to any audio book or podcast we wanted to…….on and on and on.
Those first few weeks were simply magical. My kids and I were so excited, so motivated. We went on field trips and spend time outside and researched all kinds of things and did deep dives on any subject they wanted to learn about. I wanted our start to homeschooling to feel natural and unforced. My kids were happy at home with me and we knew then and there it was the right decision for our family. What I had not expected to happen was how this would affect all of us on such a profound level. Because of this sudden freedom everything seemed to flow better and more easily. While we where so excited TO LEARN IT ALL right at the start we actually didn’t feel rushed or overwhelmed. The slow life path I knew my nervous system was craving for was beginning without me even realizing it was tied to my decision to homeschool my kids. It was groundbreaking.
Unplugging, deleting and re-centering myself
This past spring I visited one of my oldest friends who lives just outside of London, England. It was my first time in the UK and visiting her since she moved there 10+ years ago. While the solo trip for myself was short (over a long weekend) it was a truly lovely break from my ordinary life as a full-time mama. Here in Montréal, it was still freezing cold, bleak and grey and I was on far too many occasions still wearing a wool sweater. While in the UK the weather was glorious warm and sunny. My friend and I had a lovely time catching up and sharing from our joint experiences as mothers. Her kids are younger than mine, so it was fun to be the auntie for the weekend, to sit on the floor and play dress up or with Duplo’s again.
I posted a few pictures to Instagram, wanting to show a mini slice of the trip, mostly the slow, tiny moments of joy (with an artsy view of course). After doing so though something strange happened. I had the oddest feeling, I started asking myself, why was I sharing these snip bits of my little trip? Who was I aiming to portray? What was the point of all of this? I quickly realized that at my age (millennial here) it felt silly and dare I say embarrassing ?posting a picture online about a trip I made. Was I bragging? Over sharing? EVERYONE posts pictures while they are away and I often see someone’s and think “wow, how nice for them, that place looks neat, what a cute scenery”. I am (almost) never jealous or envious, I truly am happy for other people. But then when I did this, I felt ashamed and as if I felt the NEED to share. This was the ultimate turning point for me. No one even commented anything negative and I got a few likes and hearts, I just felt like why does the system or platforms makes me feel this way? Why does it force me to feel the need to show slices of my personal life? The event wasn’t even vulnerable or disturbing. It was a pleasant trip, where everything went smoothly.
I decide then and there my relationship to the internet and social media in general changed. I no longer wanted to be an active participant, doing things I felt I HAD to do in order to stay "current" or “post regularly”. I deleted the app off my phone and ultimately felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. Within days I could physically feel better and mentally healthier. Simultaneously at that time I received an invoice that I had payed automatically due to an auto renewal feature I previously selected for my domain name and website. I saw the invoice and felt dread and regret, a pit in my stomach. Why have I been paying for a service I never use and instead focus my energy on a “free” social media site that isn’t so healthy for my mental health? A firm believer in signs, this was yet another one telling me to change my habits and how I want to share my art with the world.
JOY
As an artist I am a firm believer in bringing joy into to the world. It’s why I make art and continue to show up, even when things are bleak, times are difficult and taxing. I hope that what I bring into the world can be a tool to ease some pain to someone at some point in time. I make art for my own enjoyment, its a form of therapy for me…but when someone ELSE likes my stuff and it brings THEM joy that is some serious, meaningful sh*t. Likes, views and shares on my tiny screen don’t light me up anymore. They don’t feel real and I don’t want the world to come to a place where we can’t connect IRL anymore. I will not obey to a system where artists are expected to churn over videos of themselves painting day in and out. Where trends are followed religiously and where artist get sucked into believing their worth is tied to the amount of followers they have. I’m sorry but these things just don’t work for me. When I am in the flow state, it’s the most exciting and valuable time in the creative process. That’s when not only the work is good (as in something great is happening) but when I feel as if I am almost outside of my body and all outside noise, worries and self doubt don’t exist. We artist strive for these moments, when every mark, colour choice, gesture or expression work together in harmony! If we stop and think for a moment I ask how can filming, recording, extensive documenting NOT affect this process? I am talking in the long run, if we are constantly being pulled away from the work to now also create a BTS shot (that mind you has a flawless aesthetic, has great lighting and edited to perfection) something is going to have to give, and in my case that’s the actual work. I am a mother, I have responsibilities and commitments but when I make the time for my art practice you can guarantee, the goal for that “session” is ultimately to grow and learn, and make art that lights me up, not “what snip bit can I shoot for social media today?”.
It is as if removing myself from this formula, has now yet again given me a new perspective, and a sudden freedom. I make the rules now, and maybe I won’t get as many views or eye balls on my work, but I am a firm believer in quality over quantity. If I can make meaningful, real connection with my work then I know it will have been worth it.
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